Raining Petals

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Sacrilege

So Josh and I have to speak in Sacrament Meeting on July 24th...if you are Mormon then you know what date that is...if you do not know what date this is...you are not Mormon...nope...you're not. Try the Baptists down the road.

When Josh and I get assignments like this, we like to imagine what we could do to be as disruptive as we can and create some shock and awe throughout the congregation. Yeah, we are awesome.

First, I decided I was going to dress up as a pioneer. High collar, bonnet and all. That would be distracting...there would be some giggling and some disdain. But not enough. So then I added getting up to the pulpit and start by singing "Pioneer children sang as they walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, and walked......" and see how long the children walked before the Bishop stopped me. That would be good...no doubt some people would find this hilarious (most likely the deacons) and others would be downright horrified. But the best part is what happens before I make it to the stand. Everyone will turn their heads as they watch me start at the back of the gym...pulling a handcart. A heavy one. It will take me a good 20 minutes to make it to the pews after which I will call out "A little help here!" as I try and pull the handcart through the aisle...and we know it won't fit...so there will be lots of grumbling and crashing about on my part. Then I will start into a monologue about the life of a women pioneer and hard it is and show everyone the meager supplies I have. A bag of flour...meager...but enough to throw out into the congregation and dust everyone with a nice coating of white powder. I think that will do the trick.

Does anyone want to come hear us speak next Sunday?

9 comments:

Emily said...

If you're really going to do it, I'll buy a plane ticket.

julie said...

hahaha! Love it! Maybe you should start building a campfire out of buffalo chips.

To be honest, I didn't know what day July 24th was til I was old. Maybe college. It didn't seem like much of a big deal round these parts. Maybe I'm just oblivious.

Casey Marie said...

I'm so excited to be there, front row, with my movie popcorn. I will even bring a sign that says "Pioneers Rule!" and everytime you say the word Pioneer, I will stand up and try to get everyone to do the wave with me while hooting loudly. :)It's always better if people have to work really hard to feel the spirit.

*LaUrA* said...

Julie...you weren't Mormon until maybe college then and Casey....hahahahaha! Love your last line..and the hooting loudly while doing the wave. Sunday is going to be Awesome.

Liz said...

I know that would leave ME feeling spiritually uplifted. Or minus a few calories from the laughing. Either one would be great.

Jennifer said...

Best idea ever!

And...you wouldn't get asked to speak again for a long, long time! However, you would shortly have agents lining up to book you for the next Pioneer comedy night.

Jennifer said...

"Pioneer comedy night."

Those exist, right? Because we all know Pioneers were all about fun and games...

Stephanie said...

This is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. And it was only made funnier by Casey's hooting comments. PLEASE record whatever you end up doing. Although that is a little sacrilige.

Dixie said...

Good luck tomorrow! This will be a talk that will go down in Mormon folklore.