I often go home and kick myself a few times for being so awkward. How did this happen and why can't I fix it? You would think I would know how to carry on a normal conversation but I am finding out more and more that I really don't know how. I often pause in silence because I don't know how respond to something someone says, I often pause in silence because I cannot find the word I am trying to say in my jumbled mess of a brain, and I often pause in silence because people are talking about something I have no clue about and have nothing to insert into the conversation. Or, I smile and laugh and keep walking because I have no clue what was just said to me. When I am trying to find the word I am looking for, my mind grows increasingly jumbled and my tongue flops out of my mouth like a fish out of water and my eyes roll to the back of my head while I am frantically gesturing with my hands, as if flailing them about will pull the word out of think air. Now you can see why I might hide from people rather than run up and say "...........!" Now, what was the word I was looking for?
I have a few culprits.
The one I want to focus on today is:
Back in the day when calling a friend was the only way to get a hold of them, I tied up the telephone line whenever possible. Now I am scared to call anyone. Talking on the phone is awkward and makes me panic a little. I would much rather text. It gives me more time to think through what I am typing out and make sure it comes out how I want instead of blurting something out and wishing I didn't or pausing for too long wishing I did. It also allows me to end the conversation when I want to instead of having someone prattle on for far too long or me being the one who doesn't know when to hang up.
Far too often I hear someone say something along the lines of, "oh yeah I would love to hear about that,
And I can't even talk about how much my grammar has gone down the tubes...and totally cringe when I see how my decade younger cousins spell things on
So, I have started slowly. I am deleting my
So if you see me in the store and notice that I dive into the nearest clothing rack or hold my purse over my face as I walk right past you... please realize, it's not you, it's me.