Socially Challenged

As in, I am.

I often go home and kick myself a few times for being so awkward. How did this happen and why can't I fix it? You would think I would know how to carry on a normal conversation but I am finding out more and more that I really don't know how. I often pause in silence because I don't know how respond to something someone says, I often pause in silence because I cannot find the word I am trying to say in my jumbled mess of a brain, and I often pause in silence because people are talking about something I have no clue about and have nothing to insert into the conversation. Or, I smile and laugh and keep walking because I have no clue what was just said to me. When I am trying to find the word I am looking for, my mind grows increasingly jumbled and my tongue flops out of my mouth like a fish out of water and my eyes roll to the back of my head while I am frantically gesturing with  my hands, as if flailing them about will pull the word out of think air. Now you can see why I might hide from people rather than run up and say "...........!" Now, what was the word I was looking for?

I have a few culprits.

The one I want to focus on today is: Technology. Computers are getting smarter and people are getting dumber, myself included. Anymore these days the majority of my communications with others takes place in one of 3 ways: 1. Text 2. Chats via Gmail or Facebook and 3.Comments via Facebook or Blogger. E-mails are even few and far between these days. I haven't received a written letter since my birthday in January nor have I sent one. I do talk to my sister almost daily on the phone and once in a while my parents and in an even greater while maybe Julie or Katie.

 Back in the day when calling a friend was the only way to get a hold of them, I tied up the telephone line whenever possible. Now I am scared to call anyone. Talking on the phone is awkward and makes me panic a little. I would much rather text. It gives me more time to think through what I am typing out and make sure it comes out how I want instead of blurting something out and wishing I didn't or pausing for too long wishing I did. It also allows me to end the conversation when I want to instead of having someone prattle on for far too long or me being the one who doesn't know when to hang up.

So, technology is to blame for my ineptness. If I was forced into conversations more often then I would not be in this little predicament and not have to ask the ladies at church to please step in the other room and text me rather than come up and vocalize to my face.

Far too often I hear someone say something along the lines of, "oh yeah I would love to hear about that, Facebook me when you get the chance and fill me in." Um, or you could just tell them right now and have a little bit of face time rather than Facebook. I also see friends sitting right next to each other texting rather than speaking. (do you realize "texting" isn't even a real word yet but we all do it?)

And I can't even talk about how much my grammar has gone down the tubes...and totally cringe when I see how my decade younger cousins spell things on Facebook and can't put together coherent sentences. eeek!

So, I have started slowly. I am deleting my Facebook. I will lose communications with 200+ people and I am guessing I will survive. I figure if the only way certain people will keep up with me is if I have a Facebook and no other way...well then, I am not that important on keeping up on. Even though it might be fun and interesting it is also a time sucker. And I realized that really the only people who comment often and communicate with me on Facebook are those who will still do so after I am erased from the face of the book and already communicated with me before Facebook existed. So basically I am removing myself from being silently stalked or identity theft-ed and not exposing myself daily to the negative, offensive, and horrible murdering of the English language.  Though I will miss many and wish I was desirable enough for some of them to follow me wherever I go, I am coming to grips with the fact that some people like me and some people are just more, "meh" about me. And that is okay :)

So if you see me in the store and notice that I dive into the nearest clothing rack or hold my purse over my face as I walk right past you... please realize, it's not you, it's me.