Raining Petals

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

And You Think Your Child is Smart...

Mine is a Genius! While having a late night snack of popcorn the other night (he should have been in bed!) Carter searched the entire bowl until he found a popcorn kernel (un-popped) that was the exact circumference of his ear canal. He then proceeded to push that kernel as far back into his ear as possible with his little finger and had it safely secured to store for winter. He had moved onto the next ear by the time I realized what he was doing! "Nnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" I shouted as I dived for the couch he was sitting on (all in slow motion mind you) and ripped his hand away from his ear. I was able to pop his latest attempt at canal stuffage out....but the other one was so accurately placed I surrendered defeat as soon I saw it. Now what?? Josh and I ran through a list of possibilities such as putting Carter's head in the microwave and letting the kernel pop or sticking the vacuum hose up to his ear for maximum suction, all of which seemed like perfectly reasonable removal methods at this point.

After reading some suggestions from really smart people on the Internet we decided to pack us all up and head for the emergency room (by this time is was midnight...ugh) On the way there I couldn't help but laugh at the situation and knew that something like this was bound to happen eventually. Is it weird that I thanked Carter in my head for supplying me with some good blogging material?? I also recalled reading a few blogs from other mothers in this exact situation and took comfort at being part of the "mothers with really smart kids" club. At least Carter is an exploratory child right?? Right?!?! And the fact that he picked the kernel that fit his canal just right, producing no slipping or sliding, shows just how bright he is. I know he knew exactly what he was doing. This was no accident...it was a cold and calculated attempt to see if he could drive mom and dad even more crazy and find a way to throw away a good couple hundred dollars of our hard earned money. Oh he knew alright..but once I told him Santa would no longer bring the Hot Wheels he has been asking for I saw the light bulb in his mischievous little brain burn out.

The ER we went to was one of the nicest ERs I have visited. It looked brand new, had a huge waiting room, and we were taken right back! What?? No 45 minute agonizing wait?? No sitting next to a stinky person who is hacking their lungs out while trying to inconspicuously cover my nose and mouth?? This was all right!

Carter was super cute the entire time despite being a popcorn head. He wooed the nurses and doctors like he always does and people tell us how adorable he is...yeah you try taking him home with you...just make sure you do a size test on whatever you give him and make sure it is too big to shove in ears or nostrils or electrical outlets or toilets. The nurse would ask Carter questions and he would answer all of them. The nurse said, "Can I take your blood pressure? I am going to give your arm a big squeeze." Carter responded with an enthusiastic "OKAY!"...I think he thought the nurse was proposing a wrestling match. Carter never turns one of those down. Carter never cried...he did make it clear though that he would NOT be tolerating any shots this evening and the employees assured him he was safe this time.

When we got back to see the doctor in walked a man that looked as if he was in the ER himself for being ran over by a car...once I saw the white lab coat I was a little concerned. The doctor's hair was awry and his eyelids were open just enough to keep him from running into something as he stumbled in to the room. He quickly looked in each ear and said "nope, that is not coming out tonight" Carter's light bulb quickly lit up again and he smiled a smile only the Grinch could appreciate...I was a little disheartened but thankful Dr. McBlinded McHomeless wouldn't be sticking something in my son's ear. Where is Dr. McDreamy when you need one??

So that was a COMPLETE waste of a trip to the ER. How can an ER not be equipped to get a simple popcorn kernel out of an ear?? Is that not what they are there for? And to top it off they charge us a couple of hundred dollars just to tell us they can't help us...they haven't heard the last of me...there is NO WAY I am paying for that...that would be like going into a clothing store and having to pay for the clothes you tried on but didn't fit. Doesn't make sense does it? We thought about telling them we were the Bolanos-Alcarez family from Mexico...we no speak-a English.(how is it that illegals get free health care but I have to pay just to show my face in the place??...this REALLY doesn't make any sense!)

So as I type this, Poppy McPee Pants, (Carter's new name) sits over on the couch all reveling in the fact that he still has his winter supply stored in his ear and mom and dad are left wondering what to do. (ah ha! he is watching Tom and Jerry...no wonder! I better turn that off before he gets the idea to smash my head with a big mallet. )

Do we spend $400.00 on the Ear, nose, and throat doctor to remove it...or do we simply sit and hope it eventually rolls out on its own? The war is on...I am determined to defeat Carter on this one! He always wins!

15 comments:

Jennifer Dunn said...

Oh my gosh! Your post started off with me in tears from laughing, and ending with tears of frustration on your behalf! Didn't Dr. McDorky even tell you what you might do next?

Sometimes, I think that nurses take blood pressure just so the hospital can bill for it. Because now, when you refuse to pay the $400+ fee, claiming they didn't do anything, they can say, "Ah, but yes, we did." And point out how vital it was that they checked all of Carter's vitals.

I guess I can thank Carter and the staff at the ER for your great post, and I hope we get a follow-up when you figure out how to get the popcorn kernel out of his ear!

Us Bailey's said...

Oh Laura I am so sorry- but that is an absolutely hilarious story!!!! I am so glad I am not the only one with an overly precocious young man!

I am sorry that the doc. was no help! Did he tell you what you could do? Keep us updated on Mr. Popcorn Head!

Brandi said...

Oh my goodness! I was laughing so hard, I had to tell Matt and then he started laughing! Count on Carter to make you spend the millions in Dr. bills. lol.

I hope you can maybe find a Dr. who can tell you what to do with Mr. popcorn head!

Mrs. Morty said...

That is seriously the most frustrating thing!! I hope you get a discount for the lack of help you received.

Shelby said...

Oh, I totally agree that you should NOT be charged for this! I would definitely fight it when you get the bill. I can't believe they couldn't get it out--I hope it doesn't get infected!

K said...

Yikes. We haven't ever had anything stuck where it shouldn't be at our house (knocking on wood, crossing fingers, and throwing away all popcorn now!) I've no advice, just sympathy. Good luck not paying that bill. Sounds like the doctor really needs his next fix.

Desarae said...

holy cow! holy cow! I love you. And I'm so sorry. I can't believe it. not that a kid would put that down his ear...but the ER (all of that...no wait, clean, crazy dr, and they can't help but will charge you...you better not pay) you are so funny, I love the way you write.
so question- will it just roll out or do you really have to just go to ENT? I have no doubt I will be there one day!

Casey Marie said...

Wow, how can he just be content with a popcorn kernel in his ear. I would be going crazy!

I love the little bug, though.
Good thing he's still on medicaid.
I would try to see if they really can't do anything or if the doctor was just lazy. Because sometimes that's the answer.

julie said...

hahahah, you are so funny! I'm just imagining you putting his ear in the microwave and hitting the popcorn button. Oh you're great. So lame about the doctor. Remember Jake Eld and the moth that flew in his ear? Ugh.

Anonymous said...

Laura: After I quit laughing I realized what a dilemna you are in. I would call a pediatrician and ask them. If it were my kid I would mix up some warm water with equal parts hydrogen peroxide and get a huge syringe and put into the ear canal. Keep the bowl up by his ear and keep syringing the fluid in until something comes out. This is how they clean out balls of earwax and it might work. Keep a towel handy on his body. Love, Grammie Kathy

millerandbrandi said...

Oh man Laura...you remind me of myself...always awake! Thanks for the comment and don't ever think you talk my ear off, I love it! Its funny because I would try and explain my goofed up face to people and they wouldn't believe it was that bad. Then they would come and see for themselves and laugh their heads off...and stare! Its hard not to stare at! I am going shopping tomorrow, so hopefully I won't scare too many people! Hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving! Oh and thanks for the congrats...we are all super excited!!! By the way, Carter is super cute! And oh so smart...what our kids do to make us crazy right?!?!

Jenete said...

Soo funny! I loved your comments on the backwards health care system. I got a pebble stuck in my ear canal when I was in college. I didn't push it in there I think a wind/dust storm in Twin lodged it in. Luckily it wasn't too big and the health center at BSU just flushed it out. I don't think I would have caught it but the fact that I was swimming a lot and water was getting stuck in the canal and I felt like my head was in a fish bowel most the time. Which made singing and practing cello very intersting It was like I had built in reverb! Best of luck with getting the kernel out:)

Bradbury Trio said...

I'm ready to read how everything turns out with this one! That Clever Carter boy....I wouldn't know what to do either, but I'm with you on NOT PAYING THEM A DIME! Amen to everything you said sister about trying on clothes and them not fitting, but still paying! Oh how you crack me up!! I wish you all the best of luck with this, but I hope the kernal comes out quick, and thanks for the lesson on avoiding popcorn, I can already see me writing a story similar to this one some day in the future, perhaps, sooner than later as my daughter just walked in with the toilet brush!!! EWWW!!!

Anonymous said...

My oldest son did the exact same thing, and wound up in outpatient surgery.
The Kernel will not come out on it's own. Don't try to remove it from your son's ear. Call your local ENT Doc. He/she might help, but then again, you might referred to visit the local Surgical Dept.

katie said...

that is the funniest story you are so discriptive i love it. I hope the kernal comes out. And i am just sure the idea to put his head in the microwave and let the kernal pop had to have been Josh's idea huhh. that is so funny i laughed through the whole story!!!