Being with my sister as she went through labor and gave birth. I don't care what people say...yea or nay....it was amazing!
It was really tough to be there while she was in intense pain and there was nothing I could do...I tried rubbing her back because she told me to and then smacked me away...haha! I tried to offer a bit of assistance through my words...don't know exactly how much help I was. I am guessing none at all. It was a loooooong and a very exhausting day...even for just me watching!!!
BUT...when the end result came out (after HOURS of pushing) it was so thrilling and so amazing and it took my breath away! It was just so neat to be there to see Atrion enter the world. (yes, his name is different, most likely you have not heard it before, it worked perfect for them, so get over it;)
I am glad I was able to be there and have loved seeing Atrion grow and change. He is a sweet boy. It was definitely one of the highlights of my year!
Showing posts with label Atrion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Atrion. Show all posts
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Mind Dumping
Have you ever found yourself sitting alone, quietly, in the dark and suddenly become so aware of yourself? Your thoughts becoming so loud you swear that if anyone was near you that they would totally pick up on the images and words swirling around in your head. That happens to me once in a while and if any of you tuned in now you might see that I am thinking of each of you...as I type my mind is running down my blog list and picturing each of you...like I am having my own little conversation with you. Unfortunately for us both I do not have anything of substance to say.
I thought I just might sit down and purge...just type...free flow. I haven't blogged for a while and really have been quite "over" the whole thing. Many times I have said I was going to make my blog private and use it strictly as Carter documentation, which I need to do more of badly. He is growing up so fast.
I am still in Poky. I have been taking the night shift for Casey and Cody. They go to bed when they are ready...somewhere between 10:00 and midnight. Then I stay up as long as I possibly can. I have loved doing this. I remember how much I needed sleep when Carter was first born...so this is something I have lenjoyed doing for them. So the past few weeks I have been getting to bed right around when most of you are waking up. This experience had made me think that if I had a nanny to take the night shift I would more than happily have a million kids.
I miss my boys dearly. Today I got a picture text on my phone of Carter swinging in the park with his friend, Ethan. He had a smile that stretched from ear to ear and he looked like he was having the time of his life. Tears immediately streamed down my cheeks and I had a few sobs here and there. I am glad I was in the car, alone, when I checked that message. I cried because I miss him immensely and cried more because he was so happy. Tears of relief, if you will. The only way I am able to be so far away from him is because I know he has an amazing daddy who is his hero and is taking him on great adventures while I am away. They are making some great memories together and that is totally cry worthy. I love you Josh. I don't know many husbands who would agree to the mom/wife being away for 3 weeks while you have to run the property and take care of Carter 24/7. I love you for letting me enjoy my time here and not having to worry that everything is okay back home. A few moms here and there have commented that they could never leave their kids for that long...my answer to you is...then don't.
I am also saying a prayer right now blessing whoever invented Skype.
On a similar note, it becomes glaringly obvious that when your oldest child turns 2 people start expecting an announcement any minute about when the next bundle of joy will be coming along. Well my one and only turned 3 and I have noticed some people are almost beside themselves wondering why I have not yet made a proclamation. Luckily, I am one that is not the least bit offended by this and find I am often curious about others as well. People have asked me and I am more than willing to share. Well...if it was up to me and my schedule then #2 would be somewhere around 3-9 months right now. However, I have come to terms that it is out of my control. Some women can get pregnant just thinking about it and others struggle with conceiving their entire lives. I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I have had the extreme pleasure of getting pregnant and having a baby. It took about 3 years of trying for that to happen. Because it took so long the first time, we have done nothing to prevent any future pregnancies but so far no such luck, obviously. So that is my answer...I definitely want #2 and if it was in my control it would have happened by now. However, do not feel sorry for me. I am very happy and very content. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. I feel strongly that I am known way better by my Father and trust that if I am supposed to have more kids then I will. Who knows...maybe down the road it will get to me and then I will be telling a different story. Right now, however, my story is one of loving the little family that I have and enjoying the one son I do have. My only bit of heartache happens when I think of Carter. I want him to have siblings. I can't imagine my life without my siblings and I want Carter to have the same blessings that my brothers and sister have been to me. I have not gotten into detailed tests or anything with doctors (though we have discussed it some) nor have I begun seeking out fertility treatments. Maybe someday I will, maybe I won't. That is not a decision I have made yet.
Guaranteed that when comments are made to you that 99.9% of the time they are not said maliciously or in ill will. Granted many people say things without thinking. But if you stop and realize that the vast majority of people would never say something to another person if they thought it was offensive, then you would realize that the person meant no harm and that you just might be a little sensitive that day or took it the wrong way. I just think too much time is wasted in people getting all huffy and puffy and complaining about things people have done to them. Stop making yourself a victim of other people's misplaced words (and even a victim of some people's very heated, and very intentionally placed words) and just start realizing that your life is yours and you have control no matter what a person may or may not have said or done to you. No doubt it is tough when people are intentionally rude. Who are they anyway? And to further on in my notes of similarities...I do not always believe in turning the other cheek...gasp! If someone is going too far or really concerning you with what they are saying then just tell them already. Don't wallow in it for days or weeks or months and tell everyone you meet EXCEPT them...talk them and tell them how you feel and get on with it. Sometimes people don't realize they are being jerks and sometimes they do and are being allowed to get away with it. Being offended and being stomped on are two different things. If someone has an issue with me then I am totally open and prefer them to come to me face to face and talk about it. I hate to hear that I have offended someone but they never came and talked to me or gave me a chance to set things right...instead they tell everyone but me. Okay...enough said by me since I am obviously an expert:)
Is this long enough yet? Are you still with me? That is okay if you have fallen off to sleep. It is just relaxing for me to sit and blurb my thoughts out.
Before I move on to another project to keep me awake for at least another 3 hours (Atrion is an unbelievably good baby and is making my job all to easy) I must throw out here how much I dislike flying. I worked up the nerve to fly up here by myself. Getting onto my first flight, in one of the smallest planes known to man, I almost lost it. It was a 2-seater on each side and we all were just squished in there together. I started to freak out and have an anxiety attack. My mind and heart were going a million miles per hour and it was all I could do NOT to get up and run off the plane. I seriously had my hand on my bag and was ready to bolt. I somehow manged to talk myself into calming down(which is hard to do sometimes and is usually left up to Josh to do for me)It is not that I am scared to fly. I do not think we are going to crash or die or blow up or whatever (though it is a possibility) but my anxiety comes from lack of control over the situation. Being thousands of miles up in the air and not being able to get off the plane if I wanted to or needed too. Being so close to strangers and realizing all of them just happen to have a cough and don't know how to cover their mouths gets to me as well. The little planes are the worst. Great big planes I can handle, when you can get up and move around, take a little walk...but the little planes send me over the top. My point here? Well...realizing I only had a week left and would have to get back onto a plane to get home sent me in a round of mental fits again. I am even dreaming about the stinkin' planes people! I decided there is no way I can get back on the plane. I just can't, especially not without my security blanket (Josh). It is stressing me out so bad I fear I might die of a heart attack or stroke by the time I am 26 3/4. So I had to come up with another solution.
I decided to take the train. Some people have questioned how that can be even remotely better. All I can say is that when I made the decision to take the train that I felt five million times better and am actually really excited about the adventure home. Yes it is longer...much longer than flying. Flying gets me there in 5 hours and the train gets me there in 2 days. Do I wish I wasn't a nutcase and loved flying...yes I really do! How much easier life and traveling(something I LOVE to do) would be. Do I feel ridiculous? Yes, yes I do. However, I have decided to make the most of my trip and dress in full Harry Potter regalia complete with a wand and a caged owl and will be ordering chocolate frogs and butterbeer from the trolley. Anyone want to join me?
I thought I just might sit down and purge...just type...free flow. I haven't blogged for a while and really have been quite "over" the whole thing. Many times I have said I was going to make my blog private and use it strictly as Carter documentation, which I need to do more of badly. He is growing up so fast.
I am still in Poky. I have been taking the night shift for Casey and Cody. They go to bed when they are ready...somewhere between 10:00 and midnight. Then I stay up as long as I possibly can. I have loved doing this. I remember how much I needed sleep when Carter was first born...so this is something I have lenjoyed doing for them. So the past few weeks I have been getting to bed right around when most of you are waking up. This experience had made me think that if I had a nanny to take the night shift I would more than happily have a million kids.
I miss my boys dearly. Today I got a picture text on my phone of Carter swinging in the park with his friend, Ethan. He had a smile that stretched from ear to ear and he looked like he was having the time of his life. Tears immediately streamed down my cheeks and I had a few sobs here and there. I am glad I was in the car, alone, when I checked that message. I cried because I miss him immensely and cried more because he was so happy. Tears of relief, if you will. The only way I am able to be so far away from him is because I know he has an amazing daddy who is his hero and is taking him on great adventures while I am away. They are making some great memories together and that is totally cry worthy. I love you Josh. I don't know many husbands who would agree to the mom/wife being away for 3 weeks while you have to run the property and take care of Carter 24/7. I love you for letting me enjoy my time here and not having to worry that everything is okay back home. A few moms here and there have commented that they could never leave their kids for that long...my answer to you is...then don't.
I am also saying a prayer right now blessing whoever invented Skype.
On a similar note, it becomes glaringly obvious that when your oldest child turns 2 people start expecting an announcement any minute about when the next bundle of joy will be coming along. Well my one and only turned 3 and I have noticed some people are almost beside themselves wondering why I have not yet made a proclamation. Luckily, I am one that is not the least bit offended by this and find I am often curious about others as well. People have asked me and I am more than willing to share. Well...if it was up to me and my schedule then #2 would be somewhere around 3-9 months right now. However, I have come to terms that it is out of my control. Some women can get pregnant just thinking about it and others struggle with conceiving their entire lives. I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I have had the extreme pleasure of getting pregnant and having a baby. It took about 3 years of trying for that to happen. Because it took so long the first time, we have done nothing to prevent any future pregnancies but so far no such luck, obviously. So that is my answer...I definitely want #2 and if it was in my control it would have happened by now. However, do not feel sorry for me. I am very happy and very content. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. I feel strongly that I am known way better by my Father and trust that if I am supposed to have more kids then I will. Who knows...maybe down the road it will get to me and then I will be telling a different story. Right now, however, my story is one of loving the little family that I have and enjoying the one son I do have. My only bit of heartache happens when I think of Carter. I want him to have siblings. I can't imagine my life without my siblings and I want Carter to have the same blessings that my brothers and sister have been to me. I have not gotten into detailed tests or anything with doctors (though we have discussed it some) nor have I begun seeking out fertility treatments. Maybe someday I will, maybe I won't. That is not a decision I have made yet.
On another similar note I have listened to a lot and have read a lot about people who have had their feathers ruffled recently and seem to quite often.
My solution: how about everyone stop being so flipping offended by everything.
Is this long enough yet? Are you still with me? That is okay if you have fallen off to sleep. It is just relaxing for me to sit and blurb my thoughts out.
Before I move on to another project to keep me awake for at least another 3 hours (Atrion is an unbelievably good baby and is making my job all to easy) I must throw out here how much I dislike flying. I worked up the nerve to fly up here by myself. Getting onto my first flight, in one of the smallest planes known to man, I almost lost it. It was a 2-seater on each side and we all were just squished in there together. I started to freak out and have an anxiety attack. My mind and heart were going a million miles per hour and it was all I could do NOT to get up and run off the plane. I seriously had my hand on my bag and was ready to bolt. I somehow manged to talk myself into calming down(which is hard to do sometimes and is usually left up to Josh to do for me)It is not that I am scared to fly. I do not think we are going to crash or die or blow up or whatever (though it is a possibility) but my anxiety comes from lack of control over the situation. Being thousands of miles up in the air and not being able to get off the plane if I wanted to or needed too. Being so close to strangers and realizing all of them just happen to have a cough and don't know how to cover their mouths gets to me as well. The little planes are the worst. Great big planes I can handle, when you can get up and move around, take a little walk...but the little planes send me over the top. My point here? Well...realizing I only had a week left and would have to get back onto a plane to get home sent me in a round of mental fits again. I am even dreaming about the stinkin' planes people! I decided there is no way I can get back on the plane. I just can't, especially not without my security blanket (Josh). It is stressing me out so bad I fear I might die of a heart attack or stroke by the time I am 26 3/4. So I had to come up with another solution.
I decided to take the train. Some people have questioned how that can be even remotely better. All I can say is that when I made the decision to take the train that I felt five million times better and am actually really excited about the adventure home. Yes it is longer...much longer than flying. Flying gets me there in 5 hours and the train gets me there in 2 days. Do I wish I wasn't a nutcase and loved flying...yes I really do! How much easier life and traveling(something I LOVE to do) would be. Do I feel ridiculous? Yes, yes I do. However, I have decided to make the most of my trip and dress in full Harry Potter regalia complete with a wand and a caged owl and will be ordering chocolate frogs and butterbeer from the trolley. Anyone want to join me?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Genetic Mathematics
I am in Pokey right now loving up on my new nephew. He is seriously the sweetest and cutest thing and I am loving every minute with him. It will be hard to leave next week. At the same time I miss my 2 boys at home terribly and can't wait to get back to them.Congrats to Casey and Cody! Picture compliments of Shelby Adakai at FizzieLime photography...who also happens to be Cody's sister. I am envious of all the amazing baby pictures Casey will have to treasure...I have said this before and I will say it again...I need my own personal Shleby...she is amazing!
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