Carter was very excited and a little bit nervous about his very first day of school today. Leading up to it he would be talking excitedly and then bury his head in me and squeal “oooh I am scared!”. This morning Josh gave Carter a very sweet blessing. When it was over Carter got a big grin on his face and said. “I feel so much better!”.
He picked out his Phineas and Ferb shirt to wear the first day. And I decided on easy on, easy off shorts.
Josh and I both took him to his classroom. His class is full of little boys and and just a handful of girls. I hope Carter makes them all his friends. His classroom was also the only one where no kids were crying. As we walked by the other room at least one kid was having a really hard time. Carter was very brave and stood by us for just a minute and then went and sat on the rug and started playing with blocks.
I wanted to stay. I want to be there the whole day watching him and making sure he is okay. I blew him one last kiss from the door and made my way to the car. I kept it together until the doors were closed. Then Josh asked me if I was okay and I lost it. It was really hard to leave him there in the hands of someone else. I know he is in good hands and I know he will really blossom with his new experiences…but I just wasn’t quite ready to give him up.
The house is too quiet. I miss my snuggle buddy. I am so used to just doing what he wants to most of the day. So this will be a new experience for me too…figuring out what I want to do with my days while he is at school. I should have a plan but I don’t. So it has been a hard morning for me. I have puffy eyes and I am already exhausted. I can’t wait to go get him at 2:00.
I know I may sound silly to some of you. But this is my only little man. I do not have other kids to fill the space at home and keep me busy. And that makes my heart ache today. Yesterday I was strong. Tomorrow I will be strong. But today I'm not.