Raining Petals

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Hey Egg Nazi, I'm Talking to You!

It is unfortunate that some people find it necessary to breed.

What is more unfortunate is that those who procreated (but shouldn't have) will then raise their progeny to become more people who should not, under any circumstances, give forth child. Thus we will always have an up and coming generation of people who should not propagate but just happen to conceive faster and easier than should be humanly possible...time and time again. Too bad.

Another lamentable thing happens when these people decide to attend public functions, usually only the free ones. If something is free they will be there just as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow.

The event I am speaking of happened yesterday in the quaint little town in which I reside, in which many "shouldn't breeders" also reside. Too bad.

A local church was hosting an Easter Egg hunt in the park. I could just end there as I am sure you have all experienced something similar to what I am about to say but I will continue because I like the sound of my own voice. (I really don't but I thought that would be funny to say)

It was a nice day if not a bit windy. The sun was out; the skies were blue. Perfect for hunting eggs. Carter was very excited because his sharp little memory recalled last year's festivities and he knew what was in store.

We lined up and waited patiently for the signal. After what seemed like 3 days the siren wailed and chaos ensued. I followed behind Carter with the camera rolling and watched as he ran to one egg, picked it up and then ran really far away to pick up just ONE egg and then ran really far away and picked up just ONE egg. With his methods he was able to run really far away about 5 times before all the eggs were gone. He has not figured out the fierce competition involved and was perfectly happy with his finds, especially because he found a PRIZE egg (I may have been a bit more excited than he was but that is neither here nor there). So it was pleasant enough and Carter had a great time and because he had a great time then I automatically had a great time.

Now, had I turned my camera and focused on the crowd a whole different scenario was playing out. The shouldn't breeders were in full force, making spectacles of themselves. They do not usually like to lay low and blend. They prefer to be front and center. And they were.

Now, Carter and I arrived about 15 minutes before "go time". What you don't see is that the shouldn't breeders pitched a tent and camped over night at the park. While Carter and I were standing in line singing silly songs and and chatting with those next to us...the shouldn't breeders were in offense mode, in a huddle, with a map of the park and the placement of each and every egg and beating game faces onto their children. "Look alive Dusty Ann, if that boy over there gets in your way then kick him where it counts! Take no prisoners!"

When the Master of Ceremonies went front and center, letting us know we were about to start, I told Carter to get ready but the shouldn't breeders were on their mark, legs squatting in the position of an Olympic runner. When the siren sounded I said "go Carter go!" but the shouldn't breeders took off at full speed with their kids flailing and screaming, being dragged by the arm behind them. "Here is an egg Dusty Ann, pick it up quick, here I'll get it for you,and here I'll get this one and this one and this one and watch out kid move it or lose it, and this one and this one." While Carter didn't even get enough eggs to cover the bottom of his basket, the shouldn't breeders had to tap into their stores (they came awfully prepared) and pull out extra grocery sacks because with the help of Momma, Diddy, older brother, Aunt Cher, cousin Bobby, and three other distant relatives, they were bursting at the seams. Dusty Ann collected enough eggs to single-handedly host her own neighborhood hunt. But don't think for a second that was her intentions. In fact, Dusty Ann has no clue what just happened.

I just had to laugh as another mom threw a bloody fit at the fact that an entire family was out picking up eggs for one child. What is it about events like this that bring out the worst in some parents? Are you really that hard-up for cheap candy and plastic eggs? I will buy you a bag of jawbreakers if it means you won't show up to next year's event...in fact I will buy you two and throw in some plastic eggs if you sign to it.

13 comments:

Levi and Amanda said...

I had to stop reading the post because I knew where you were going with it and couldn't stand to finish reading it. :-) I don't have the patience or tolerance today to not get mad just reading about people like that. it's why I've never been tempted to take Jonah to public gatherings like Egg Hunts; I think my temper at those people would get the best of me.

I'm glad Carter had fun, though!

Casey Marie said...

Hahaha Dusty Ann. :)Ya know, I would probably be that other mom who got mad at the other family trying to take everything. I can't stand things like that. People are so selfish. So what did Carter get for his prize?

Carrie said...

This is hilarious! And so real...too bad.

I want to know what was in the prize egg.

julie said...

hahahahha! Oh so funny!!! Dusty Ann...awesome...and that there is a group now called shouldn't breeders...hahahahah

people are crazy. Maybe there's a lot of money in plastic eggs..maybe we're behind and the crazy ones..

Cheri said...

The Shouldn't Breeders! My only regret is that I didn't come up with it myself. hahaha. This dredges up many memories like being 9 months pregnant with 3 children and almost getting run over at the checkout line by sphyco chic cutting in line in front of me, and many more. I'm fairly calm and passive out in public, but man that kind of bad behavior makes my blood boil!

Anonymous said...

This is exactly why you should have your own family egg hunt. There are crazy people out there. They are the Shouldn't Breeders. Ha Ha Ha. I am laughing still.
Keep up the stories Laura.
Love, Grammy Kathy

munge said...

We have similar reactions to some of the parents we meet in the public schools. Some people just shouldn't procreate and they seem to be the ones who are most prolific. It was a very entertaining story and so true to life :)

Shane and Amy Jo said...

Somehow I'm not surprised that these kinds of events bring out the shouldn't breeders. Seriously, what is going through peoples' heads? But really, what would keep life exciting without things like this?!

Ashley said...

Amen sista! We have some shouldn't breeders in our own family, yes, I just said that. And, having babies comes super easy to them, while I have to almost die before having two. Last year Katy had about 3 eggs, while "princess" was made sure to have as many eggs as possible (and yes, she had dad and mom and brother...who should have waited for the next age group, to help). I don't get why some parents try to teach their children that they are "privilaged" and deserve more, when really all they need to know is that every child is special. Wow, what is the world coming to.

Us Bailey's said...

I have to show this post to Mike. I think he would laugh at it. I agree- some people are just tooo much and make it miserable for everyone else! Glad to know Carter had fun! Good luck with everything! And have a Happy Easter!

Cristina said...

LOLOLOL! The Shouldn't Breaders..... good stuff! *sigh* Ah, we all know these people, and they totally suck. They need to be punched... and often.......... when the puncher is wearing brass knuckles.

I sure miss you, m'lady! You make me laugh and laugh! When are you going to come visit me and be mine... aaaalll mine?

P.S. ~ Yeah.... what WAS Carter's prize?!

Anonymous said...

hahahahaha! I laughed so hard I was peeing my pants! Forwarding this one to my girls!

Dixie said...

Consider it a cultural experience. Love it!