Hey Egg Nazi, I'm Talking to You!

It is unfortunate that some people find it necessary to breed.

What is more unfortunate is that those who procreated (but shouldn't have) will then raise their progeny to become more people who should not, under any circumstances, give forth child. Thus we will always have an up and coming generation of people who should not propagate but just happen to conceive faster and easier than should be humanly possible...time and time again. Too bad.

Another lamentable thing happens when these people decide to attend public functions, usually only the free ones. If something is free they will be there just as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow.

The event I am speaking of happened yesterday in the quaint little town in which I reside, in which many "shouldn't breeders" also reside. Too bad.

A local church was hosting an Easter Egg hunt in the park. I could just end there as I am sure you have all experienced something similar to what I am about to say but I will continue because I like the sound of my own voice. (I really don't but I thought that would be funny to say)

It was a nice day if not a bit windy. The sun was out; the skies were blue. Perfect for hunting eggs. Carter was very excited because his sharp little memory recalled last year's festivities and he knew what was in store.

We lined up and waited patiently for the signal. After what seemed like 3 days the siren wailed and chaos ensued. I followed behind Carter with the camera rolling and watched as he ran to one egg, picked it up and then ran really far away to pick up just ONE egg and then ran really far away and picked up just ONE egg. With his methods he was able to run really far away about 5 times before all the eggs were gone. He has not figured out the fierce competition involved and was perfectly happy with his finds, especially because he found a PRIZE egg (I may have been a bit more excited than he was but that is neither here nor there). So it was pleasant enough and Carter had a great time and because he had a great time then I automatically had a great time.

Now, had I turned my camera and focused on the crowd a whole different scenario was playing out. The shouldn't breeders were in full force, making spectacles of themselves. They do not usually like to lay low and blend. They prefer to be front and center. And they were.

Now, Carter and I arrived about 15 minutes before "go time". What you don't see is that the shouldn't breeders pitched a tent and camped over night at the park. While Carter and I were standing in line singing silly songs and and chatting with those next to us...the shouldn't breeders were in offense mode, in a huddle, with a map of the park and the placement of each and every egg and beating game faces onto their children. "Look alive Dusty Ann, if that boy over there gets in your way then kick him where it counts! Take no prisoners!"

When the Master of Ceremonies went front and center, letting us know we were about to start, I told Carter to get ready but the shouldn't breeders were on their mark, legs squatting in the position of an Olympic runner. When the siren sounded I said "go Carter go!" but the shouldn't breeders took off at full speed with their kids flailing and screaming, being dragged by the arm behind them. "Here is an egg Dusty Ann, pick it up quick, here I'll get it for you,and here I'll get this one and this one and this one and watch out kid move it or lose it, and this one and this one." While Carter didn't even get enough eggs to cover the bottom of his basket, the shouldn't breeders had to tap into their stores (they came awfully prepared) and pull out extra grocery sacks because with the help of Momma, Diddy, older brother, Aunt Cher, cousin Bobby, and three other distant relatives, they were bursting at the seams. Dusty Ann collected enough eggs to single-handedly host her own neighborhood hunt. But don't think for a second that was her intentions. In fact, Dusty Ann has no clue what just happened.

I just had to laugh as another mom threw a bloody fit at the fact that an entire family was out picking up eggs for one child. What is it about events like this that bring out the worst in some parents? Are you really that hard-up for cheap candy and plastic eggs? I will buy you a bag of jawbreakers if it means you won't show up to next year's event...in fact I will buy you two and throw in some plastic eggs if you sign to it.