And You Think Your Child is Smart...

Mine is a Genius! While having a late night snack of popcorn the other night (he should have been in bed!) Carter searched the entire bowl until he found a popcorn kernel (un-popped) that was the exact circumference of his ear canal. He then proceeded to push that kernel as far back into his ear as possible with his little finger and had it safely secured to store for winter. He had moved onto the next ear by the time I realized what he was doing! "Nnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" I shouted as I dived for the couch he was sitting on (all in slow motion mind you) and ripped his hand away from his ear. I was able to pop his latest attempt at canal stuffage out....but the other one was so accurately placed I surrendered defeat as soon I saw it. Now what?? Josh and I ran through a list of possibilities such as putting Carter's head in the microwave and letting the kernel pop or sticking the vacuum hose up to his ear for maximum suction, all of which seemed like perfectly reasonable removal methods at this point.

After reading some suggestions from really smart people on the Internet we decided to pack us all up and head for the emergency room (by this time is was midnight...ugh) On the way there I couldn't help but laugh at the situation and knew that something like this was bound to happen eventually. Is it weird that I thanked Carter in my head for supplying me with some good blogging material?? I also recalled reading a few blogs from other mothers in this exact situation and took comfort at being part of the "mothers with really smart kids" club. At least Carter is an exploratory child right?? Right?!?! And the fact that he picked the kernel that fit his canal just right, producing no slipping or sliding, shows just how bright he is. I know he knew exactly what he was doing. This was no accident...it was a cold and calculated attempt to see if he could drive mom and dad even more crazy and find a way to throw away a good couple hundred dollars of our hard earned money. Oh he knew alright..but once I told him Santa would no longer bring the Hot Wheels he has been asking for I saw the light bulb in his mischievous little brain burn out.

The ER we went to was one of the nicest ERs I have visited. It looked brand new, had a huge waiting room, and we were taken right back! What?? No 45 minute agonizing wait?? No sitting next to a stinky person who is hacking their lungs out while trying to inconspicuously cover my nose and mouth?? This was all right!

Carter was super cute the entire time despite being a popcorn head. He wooed the nurses and doctors like he always does and people tell us how adorable he is...yeah you try taking him home with you...just make sure you do a size test on whatever you give him and make sure it is too big to shove in ears or nostrils or electrical outlets or toilets. The nurse would ask Carter questions and he would answer all of them. The nurse said, "Can I take your blood pressure? I am going to give your arm a big squeeze." Carter responded with an enthusiastic "OKAY!"...I think he thought the nurse was proposing a wrestling match. Carter never turns one of those down. Carter never cried...he did make it clear though that he would NOT be tolerating any shots this evening and the employees assured him he was safe this time.

When we got back to see the doctor in walked a man that looked as if he was in the ER himself for being ran over by a car...once I saw the white lab coat I was a little concerned. The doctor's hair was awry and his eyelids were open just enough to keep him from running into something as he stumbled in to the room. He quickly looked in each ear and said "nope, that is not coming out tonight" Carter's light bulb quickly lit up again and he smiled a smile only the Grinch could appreciate...I was a little disheartened but thankful Dr. McBlinded McHomeless wouldn't be sticking something in my son's ear. Where is Dr. McDreamy when you need one??

So that was a COMPLETE waste of a trip to the ER. How can an ER not be equipped to get a simple popcorn kernel out of an ear?? Is that not what they are there for? And to top it off they charge us a couple of hundred dollars just to tell us they can't help us...they haven't heard the last of me...there is NO WAY I am paying for that...that would be like going into a clothing store and having to pay for the clothes you tried on but didn't fit. Doesn't make sense does it? We thought about telling them we were the Bolanos-Alcarez family from Mexico...we no speak-a English.(how is it that illegals get free health care but I have to pay just to show my face in the place??...this REALLY doesn't make any sense!)

So as I type this, Poppy McPee Pants, (Carter's new name) sits over on the couch all reveling in the fact that he still has his winter supply stored in his ear and mom and dad are left wondering what to do. (ah ha! he is watching Tom and Jerry...no wonder! I better turn that off before he gets the idea to smash my head with a big mallet. )

Do we spend $400.00 on the Ear, nose, and throat doctor to remove it...or do we simply sit and hope it eventually rolls out on its own? The war is on...I am determined to defeat Carter on this one! He always wins!