@*$&%O@

I should be sleeping. I NEED to be sleeping. For some reason I woke up at 3:00 am and have been lying in bed for the past couple hours begging myself to please go back to sleep. I finally dragged myself out to the living room and thought looking at a computer screen might do the trick...writing a boring blog post might be even more helpful in making these lids heavy. My brain is running a million miles an hour so an unloading might help too.

I have our big Relief Society Birthday celebration on Thursday. I never thought about the planning that goes into activities much...until I was the one doing it. Even the smallest, seemingly simple, activities are a lot of work to pull off. It is hard. It is stressful. A large part of the stress coming from me never being able to have an activity completely planned and pulled together until 2 days before it is to be held. Now there are so many things I want to do to make this activity amazing...but no time to do them in. Why don't I learn? Maybe because life never actually lets you get too far ahead...because the month before I was planning something else...and something else before that...so I can never actually plan too far ahead of time because something else will undoubtedly need my attention that has a sooner due date. Already other things are calling for my attention but this party has the soonest due date...so the other things have to wait while I give this activity due diligence.

The theme is "Bloom Where You Are Planted". It will be decorated with lots of flowers and garden-y. Each table will be a different color and represent a fruit or vegetable. For example...the Tomato table. It has a red table cloth. See how that works? Then when the ladies come in they will draw from a hat and be "planted" at a table. Thus...being forced to sit with other fruit or vegetables they might not usually sit with. I know...you all LOVE when this happens. :) I have a little program with some ladies participating as "master gardeners"... Helping us to learn how to bloom where we are planted and live the abundant life. Everyone is supposed to come dressed in gardening attire and a decorated hat. A prize goes to best hat. I will have to try and remember to take pictures. I hope it goes well. If all else fails I have made sure we are going to have fabulous food. We know that is all anyone cares about anyway.

Life has been a little bit harder lately. My good friend, Brenda, went into a routine surgery on March 2nd. She was supposed to be in and out and better within a few days. She is still there. In the ICU. Fighting for her life. Life became "real" all too quickly. It has been so unreal and devastating. She was just at church with me, helping me plan this activity...then the next time I see her she is hooked up to a million different tubes and wires with a machine breathing for her. When I went to see her I was floored. This was only something you see in the movies. How could this be real? She was healthy and alive and had just adopted a sweet, baby girl in November to join big brother Ethan. Ethan is Carter's age and they are best buds. Sometimes real life isn't fun. Sometimes it is scary and hard.

I went to see Brenda again this last Sunday. She has made some great improvement. She is off the ventilator. Yay! But she has a trach and can't talk. But she was awake and she could smile and mouth words to me. I felt worthless because of my lack of lip reading skills. So we both had to be patient as I tried to decipher and she tried to enunciate. Our friend Cathy joined us in the room an hour or so later. That is when Brenda started itching. Cathy would help pull Brenda up a little and I would reach down her back and scratch and scratch and scratch. It felt so good to her. As soon as I would stop she would ask for more. She has been lying in that bed for a month now...no doubt she is uncomfortable and itchy. It won't be able to be relieved or satisfied until she is up and out of there. For a week or two it looked dismal. Most thought we had lost her. That is when I cried and couldn't stop for a while. Then we all fasted and she immediately made small improvements and has been every day since. Until yesterday, she spiked a fever and is in a lot of pain. The doctors do not know why. She has to go for another CT scan. So now the worry is back.

So, life has kind of been put on hold since this happened. She has two small children and husband that has to work to keep thins going and also try to be by her side as much as possible. So I go at stay at their house as much as I can and take care of her babies. Anyone who has 3 kids is crazy. haha...I know most of you! But how do you get anything done? Sweet, little Ilana is 4 months old and just the sweetest, most easy going baby. She is just lovely. And I still can't figure out how to get anything done! But...I can keep her fed and changed and happy. And I can keep Ethan and Carter alive. So that is good enough for now. Her husband also has lots of extended family in the same neighborhood so they help the days I am not there. Actually I help on the days they are not there. Their family is amazing. They never leave Brenda alone in the hospital. They have all worked out a schedule so that someone is sitting with her at all times. Thus, they never miss the doctor or any news and Brenda knows she always has someone to count on. It has been neat to see what this family is made of.

I know you do not know her. But can you pray for her? She just has to get better. She just has to come home! Brenda is my friend that always texts me just to see how I am at the moment. She took Carter into her home weekly and made him feel welcome and comfortable. That is one place he will go without worry or needing me to be there. She made me homemade chicken noodle soup on the several occasions I got strep throat. Homemade noodles!! Josh says he purposely tries to get sick so he can eat her homemade soup...the noodles being his favorite. We both pick things up for the other while shopping just because we know the other would like it or need it...or because Ethan and Carter both need or want the same things. She is just someone I can count on...especially when it came to trusting someone with my child. She made stressful moments so much easier by being able to just take Carter. So I selfishly need her back! But most importantly her kids need her, and her husband need her. So please pray for her. I know without a doubt prayers are heard. Your prayers will be heard and they will make a difference.

It is almost 6:00 am now. I don't feel the sleep coming but I am exhausted. The birds are awake and chirping. I don't know if I just stay up and get to work and crash later...or do I go back to sleep and wake up later? hmmmmmmm....